the mirror

Motherhood is a mirror. It reminds me that I have become too serious due to past sadness, and now I need to play. I cannot get caught up in the things that need to be done if it means sacrificing spending time enjoying the now. As my sweet baby girl crawls and explores now I am learning how to also explore. We giggled over being under the table and chairs rather than sitting upon them. Water is meant to be splashed in even if it is the dogs bowl. I have to shed my initial reaction of " ick" when everything gets messy. Smearing dinner in a tray, on ones face and in hands is all about experiencing how things feel, not poor table manners. There will be a time and place for that in years to come. When did I stop seeing life like those little eyes do? She is teaching me as much as I am teaching her. I am reminded of how selfish I am, how inept I feel when I don't know what to do, how incredibly blessed I am.

It is 7:30 p.m. and baby is in bed sleeping. My hair is all a frizz. I have bits of breakfast, lunch and dinner, and snacks in between as well as something unidentifiable on my shirt. I am more exhausted than I ever felt from a full day at work. I am happy.