spring

Last night I went for a walk with Dulce.  I usually do but this night was different.  There was a full moon to light our path and it was a little warmer.  Usually as soon as the sun goes down it is quite chilly.  The air was still for a change.  The air smelled of spring.  Several neighbors have been aerating their lawns and planting new seed so it smelled of earth and of grass how it usually smells after a light rain.  Wisconsin is finally waking up.

I am anxiously waiting for the bulbs that I planted to grow.  I saved Daffodil bulbs that Harmony gave me last year and had put them in the freezer for their winter freeze. I need to see flowers!  I miss the forsythia bushes on Andrew's campus in the spring.  Soon and very soon they will arise.

My mom reminded me of one of my pappy's sayings.  He was always making up something silly.  Literature majors forgive the grammar for my pappy. 

 

                                  Spring is here,

                                  the grass is ris,

                                  I wonder where the flowers is.

Happy Good friday and Happy Easter to all of you.  May the grace of God and the Joy of His Salvation bless you this day.

Home

I live in a state of not knowing where home is.  I can rationalize that home is where ever John and I are together.  That is where true home is.  Home is where your heart is.  Home is where John is for that reason, but that also means that home is where I grew up and where my family is. I wax nostalgic about this because I was blessed to be able to go to California to see my family this last weekend.

I had been asked to come to help with a spiritual retreat which included water therapy, by my friend and former boss Valerie.  She is one of my spiritual sisters who I love.  I didn't think that I could go because of finances, but offered to be a intercessor of prayer for the participants and to help with creating meditations and mini sermonettes as well as verses to incorporate into a meditative art project with water colors.  It was a blessing to help with this and I felt close to God in the process.  Valerie surprised me by saying that I needed to come and she bought me a plane ticket with her flyer miles.

We spent the weekend at Warner Springs Ranch in California.  There is a natural hot spring full of wonderful minerals.  They have an olympic size pool that they mix hot with cool to create a wonderful pool to do therapy in.  It is a private rustic resort so is peaceful and quiet.  We prayed over the area and the waters and set the intention for love and gratitude.  There were 15 women on the trip.  There is healing that occurs when you allow yourself to love and trust those who place their hands on you in the healing power of Jesus and help to facilitate what your body needs to let go of the physical and emotional stress our bodies harbor.  Therapists also got treatment so that meant that I was able to let go of a lot of tension that I didn't realize I had.  One person holds your head, another your low back and pelvis, and another your feet.  you are then able to relax and float as the therapists are able to "listen" to what your body needs and take your body through a dance of unwinding in the warm water.  

We call the weekend "women on the rocks"  because we went for a meditative walk up the little hill to sit on the boulders.  In these rocks are grinding holes that were once used by the women of a native american tribe.  This place looks over the valley of the hot springs, and looks out at the other green rolling hills of the high desert.  Oh how I miss the hills, california sage and the granite boulders of "home."  We each had time of personal meditation and then at our own time walked back to our spot by the pool.  I was able to listen to the Holy Spirit and Jesus helped me to understand the emotions I needed to understand and be revealed to me.  I was able to realize that I needed to forgive myself.  I harbored guilt and responsibility for the death of our baby last year.  I know that there was nothing that I could have done to save him from becoming entangled in the cord and if I did know, he was too little to survive on his own.  I needed to give up my sense of failure as a woman, wife and mother.  I also need to give up my fear of another loss to Jesus so that I can move forward and be able to try for and accept another life in my womb.  

The joy of the weekend was being able to share that with my mom as she also went on the retreat. Having my mom and Val there to help me on this journey was so important because I needed to be able to verbalize my new revelations and be able to cry as I have not been allowing my self to do.  I was able to help others through their own journey of healing as well.  I was able to help Valerie in spiritual leadership which felt natural, unlike at the two churches that John is pastoring in.  I was able to give and receive which was such a blessing.

Not only was the retreat a beauty in itself, but I was also able to spend quality time with my brother Scott, sister-in-law Erika, and my niece Abigail before and after the retreat.  I was able to have an entire day with Abigail who turned 4 in December.  It is good to be loved and be "Auntie Bee."  That day reminded me of the goal and the hope of having my own family, and of the love that I have from my brother, sister and niece.  It is good to play and laugh and explore through the eyes of a 4 year old.

This all came at a wonderful time.  I came home to John on March 31, and on April 1st we remembered the day that Aidan was born and laughed and cried and journeyed together.  I feel that God blessed me by being able to have this weekend with the women on the rocks so that I could seek Him and know that I would survive and that I have a purpose before the saddness of April 1st set in.  I have had my great cry for 2 days and I will have times when I need to cry again and I have to allow that for myself.  

I long for the time when Jesus shall return and there will be no more sorrow, no more loss, and our brokenness will be replaced by nothing but love, peace and joy.

I needed that

Thank you to my girls, Lindsey, Jodi, and Katie for a wonderful evening chatting about life's wonderful delights; weddings, food, books, movies, books, relationships, books, rodents and bugs, and books.  How I have missed those times sitting on the couch and just laughing, blabbing and hugging and smiling.  I just wish Harmony and Heather could have been there to have made it complete with ALL of my favorite girls from the latter year in Berrien springs.  I love you, I love you and cherish the moments we had together.  How I hated it to come to an end.

a recipe to share- acorn squash

I have been looking through my cookbooks in search of new ideas and came upon this recipe.  It was a dining experience.  It was dinner and desert in one which made me feel like I was getting away with something, but really wasn't.  I thought I would share the recipe so that you can try if you would like.  Sorry about the picture.  It is from the cookbook because I didn't think to take an actual picture until after I ate half of it and it wasn't looking pretty. I made a half recipe because I hadn't made this before, but I wish that I had left overs!

MAPLE-GLAZED TOFU IN ACORN SQUASH 

 (prep time 20 mins    cook time 1 hour)

2 medium acorn squash                                      

1  1/2 c. vegetable broth                                      

1 /2 c. dried cranberries or raisins                          

1/4 c. pure maple syrup                                     

2 large Granny smith apples                             

1 tbsp. lemon juice                                               

3/4 tsp. cinnamon                                               

1/8 tsp. ground nutmeg 

2 tbsp. chopped walnuts

1 (14 oz.) package extra firm tofu (cut into 1/2 in cubes)                   

1 tbsp. balsamic vinegar

1 tsp. cornstarch

1/3 c. thinly sliced green onions

1/2 c. nonfat sour cream (plain or vanilla yogurt) 

cut each squash in half lengthwise; scoop out and discard seeds. place squash halves, cut side down in a 9x13 baking dish. add broth.  bake in 350 deg. oven  for 60 minutes.

in a small bowl, combine cranberries and syrup.  let stand about 10 mins stirring occasionally.  peel, core, and thinly slice apples; place in a large bowl, add lemon juice and stir to coat apples with juice.  stir in cinnamon and nutmeg and set aside.

toast walnuts in a wide pan over medium heat, stirring often until golden.  remove from pan and set aside.

in pan, combine apples, cranberry mixture, and 1/4 c. water. cook over medium heat, stirring gently until apples are tender.  add tofu and cook until heated through (about 4 minutes).  In a small bowl, smoothly blend vinegar and cornstarch; add to tofu mixture.  cook, stirring, until sauce boils and thickens slightly. remove from heat and stir in onions.

arrange each squash half skin side down in a shallow individual bowl.  fill squash halves equally with tofu mixture; top with sour cream and sprinkle with walnuts.

makes 4 servings.  ea. serving 463 calories.  It was very filling and doesn't need anything to go with it.

new book

This is for my friends who share a love of the Anne of Green Gables book series.  Do you know that someone wrote a prequel?  Yes they did.  If you knew before me and didn't tell me, well then shame on you for that.  I received a copy of the book from my dear grammy who I visited in Seattle last week.  I was reading the books one summer while visiting her and got her hooked too, so she knew I would need to have it.

I have read 3/4 of the book already and I am thoroughly enjoying it.  You learn about people that Anne only told stories about from her past.  I think the author did a good job with writing close to the same style as Montgomery so to be convincing as a prequel.

The name of the book is called "'Before Green Gables" by Budge Wilson.  Care to read it and comment with me?

love, love, love....

Today I am reflecting on love.  My mushy womaness needs to think about love.  So often I am struck at random moments in my day at how fortunate I am to have the love of a wonderful man.  With Valentine's day, the Hallmark holiday of love, coming up  I ponder the subject of love today.  We are planning a special communion and agape feast celebration at church to celebrate the love of a beautiful creator God and our Lord and savior.  

I wonder if because Adam and Eve walked in the garden and had a face to face relationship with God, that they appreciated each other in their marriage so much more.  I wonder because whether they were able to see more clearly the beauty of their strengths in each other because they could see them directly in God.  We were both created in his image, man and woman he created them.  Men have their physical strength, ability to problem solve and "fix," to show a love that makes woman feel as if they are the only other being in this world to him, as Christ loves the church.  Man has a full list of other wonderful qualities, but I shall leave it at that for now and those who chose to comment may add to the list if they so chose.  Women are blessed with beautiful emotion and emotional thinking, nurturing, and desire for relational connection.

Woman also has a full list of wonderful qualities.  I am convinced that it wasn't until after the fall that man and women began this whole "I don't understand you," Mars and Venus thing.  Sin deceives us into being lazy and not trying to understand each other empathetically.  It takes too much work and strength to communicate?

Being a woman I am inclined to think further upon our emotions and that aspect of which we obtained from God.  God calls us to "submit" to our husbands.  Today's woman sees this word "submit" as a dirty word.  " I don't have to submit to anyone, I am my own person. I can do what I want when I want.  Women's lib and all that."  Submission to your husband and to God is such a beautiful thing.  It isn't always easy, but is beautiful none the less.  Christ submitted to the will of the desire to save humans from this desperate sin we live in.  God promises to never leave us or forsake us, no matter the ugliness that we commit.  His love is so great it is an ever lasting love.  Submitting to my husband is a little piece of that.  How beautiful for him to receive the love and respect that he deserves.  When he feels that he loves me and makes me feel like I am his world.  I will never tire of hearing John say "you are my everything."  He says it even when I am a mess, but I know that he means it.  Hearing thus makes me want to be a better wife.  We have our short comings and still need to work on our communication, but we prioritize and work at making each other most important.

I have had the privilege of witnessing great love for each other in both my maternal and paternal grandparents.  I have the honor of having friends who have beautiful love; the Moores, Painters,  Burnets, Duncans, Martinez', Gredekis,  who are all beautiful to be around and and witness the dance of two united hearts. ( I have also been embarrassed  for  a lot of couples because of how rotten and degrading they are to one another.)  We all need to be that good example to those around us  to show that beautiful unity of the trinity and God's great love for us in all our humanity.  We need to continue to appreciate each other, men and women, for the strengths and differences that we have that make our relationships complete. 

I could go on for hours, but I am hoping that all of you will comment and leave your reflections to my ramblings and your own thoughts on love.

something blue

Lindsey said that I should have something blue next.  I wish so much that I had something pink or blue to talk about.  I only have the blues.  I need your prayers.  I had sweet success for 2 weeks only to have it gone again.  I have been looking through the scriptures to look at the women of the bible who had difficulty having a baby and how God utilized them and what they may have learned from the experience.  I am trying to remain positive.  I just miss Aidan.  Please give any "girls of the bible"  insight you can help with.  It would be nice to hear your perspective.